An Incarnate Epiphany of Sorts

By Klara Tammany, Associate of Wisdom  

I am sending you light, to heal you, to hold you…

I am sending you light to hold you in Love…    Melanie DeMore

On Christmas Eve at Sophia’s House, we had to ask one of the women to leave. She had been an early resident in the program a year ago and seemed to be doing well. Then suddenly, one day, on her own decision in the spring, she left. It baffled us. 

This fall, she resurfaced and was not in good shape. Recently she asked about returning, saying she had been sober for a month. She seemed better, so the Program Coordinator moved heaven and earth to get her here in time for the holidays. We welcomed her back home about a year after she had first arrived, on Monday, four days before Christmas.

Within a few days, however, it became clear that she had relapsed and was not ready to be here. Her behavior was triggering and putting the other women at risk. On Christmas Eve, we offered to place her in a detox unit followed by a 30-day recovery program, after which she could consider returning to the house. She declined and left angrily. 

It is a pretty classic pattern of addiction, familiar to all of us, but it was still a bitter betrayal of trust. Those who raised the concerns felt regret that she would be alone for the holidays. How could we now navigate this sudden upset so as not to compromise our first Christmas as a little community of love and healing? Could the remaining eight of us recover our grounding and still manage to be together in joy and hope by the morning? 

We calmed with some deep breathing, shared positive messages, and did some processing. We were reminded that we were not responsible for her choices nor her decision to leave the way she chose. We also recognized that we had made progress as a community. The first time this happened with another resident, it had taken weeks for the situation to come to light. This time women responded overnight to hold their sister accountable. 

Gathering together later in the chapel, in the dark, by candlelight, I told the Christmas story from the Gospel of Luke, shared a couple of prayers, and we talked a bit before going to bed. I texted everyone the chant “I Am Sending You Light” by the musician activist Melanie DeMore and invited the gals to listen to it before going to sleep. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIsZuoNFtXg

A hot cocoa bar and brunch were planned for Christmas morning. Stockings were hung in the hallway for everyone to stuff with care, and we had made sugar plums and other sweets to share. There were some donated gifts under the tree. We gathered around 11:00 to empty our stockings and enjoy the feast. One resident made pancakes, eggs, and ham. I was feeling a little dizzy for some reason, so someone else made the fresh fruit salad that was my contribution. Others offered sweets for the hot cocoa bar.  

We lingered long together, gift-giving, sharing stories, being grateful, and felt our bonds being strengthened. One gal told us this was the first time in her life she had a Christmas stocking. Another said she couldn’t remember the last time she had received Christmas gifts. Two women could have been elsewhere with local family members, but they chose to stay at the house with their new sisters for the holidays. It was safer, one said, with no fighting. Upon realizing it was an unfamiliar story to them, we read the poem “The Night Before Christmas.” 

We are an odd mix of women. One is tattooed head to foot, another in a wheelchair is recovering with broken bones from a recent fall. The youngest is in her late twenties, and I am the eldest at 66. All eight of us, including me, struggle with a history of trauma. Never in my wildest imagination did I ever think at this age, I would be sharing Christmas, love, and friendship with such a delightful but strange crew of women.  

Yet, there it is, clear as day… an incarnate epiphany of sorts… a motley band of Wise Women, gathered together, seeking a way through life and bringing light into a time of darkness, both for our own lives and to those beyond. We’re a group of misfits holding each other in deep and healing Love. 

May this light shine on all of us this Epiphany season, to heal us, to hold us in Love, as we travel through this next year. And may we all be that light for others wherever we find ourselves in this broken world. 

So be it. Amen.